Wanting: Key Insights & Takeaways from Luke Burgis

What if the things you want most aren't actually your own desires? In Wanting, Luke Burgis reveals an uncomfortable truth: most of our desires are borrowed from others without our awareness. We want what we want because other people want it—a phenomenon called mimetic desire, based on the groundbreaking work of philosopher René Girard.

This guide breaks down Burgis's complete framework for understanding how our desires are socially constructed and, more importantly, how to break free from destructive cycles of comparison and rivalry. You'll learn to distinguish between authentic desires rooted in your values and borrowed desires driven by unconscious imitation—and discover practical strategies for pursuing goals that genuinely matter to you.

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What is mimetic desire and why does it matter?

Mimetic desire is the theory that humans learn what to want by imitating others. Rather than generating desires independently from within, we unconsciously copy the desires of people around us—our role models, peers, and even rivals. This explains a puzzling phenomenon: why do people in similar social circles often want remarkably similar things, from career paths to lifestyle choices to material possessions?

The implications are profound. When you believe your desires are entirely your own, you're unaware of the social forces shaping your choices. You might pursue a prestigious career because your peers value it, chase status symbols because they're trending, or compete for things you don't actually need. Understanding mimetic desire is the first step toward examining whether your goals truly align with your values—or whether you've simply absorbed them from your environment.

Burgis draws on Girard's insight that desire operates through models. We don't just want objects; we want them because someone else wants them. The model's desire makes the object desirable. This dynamic operates beneath conscious awareness, which is precisely what makes it so powerful and potentially destructive.

How does mimetic desire distort our perception of value?

Mimetic desire warps our ability to assess what things are actually worth by making us value objects based on others' desires rather than intrinsic qualities. When something becomes popular or when someone we admire wants it, our perception of its value inflates—often dramatically beyond any objective measure.

This creates artificial value systems where desirability becomes self-reinforcing. Fashion trends, career prestige hierarchies, and lifestyle choices can all become mimetic loops: the more people desire something, the more desirable it appears to others, regardless of underlying worth. Status symbols derive their power not from inherent utility but from collective agreement that they're worth wanting.

The result is a distorted landscape where we chase goals that may have little connection to our actual wellbeing or fulfillment. Understanding this distortion doesn't automatically free you from it—these patterns run deep. But awareness creates the possibility of examining your desires more critically and questioning whether you're pursuing something because it genuinely matters to you or because mimetic forces have inflated its apparent value. Loxie helps reinforce these critical thinking patterns through regular practice, so you can catch yourself when mimetic desire is pulling you toward borrowed goals.

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What is the difference between external and internal mediation?

External mediation occurs when we imitate distant models—celebrities, historical figures, fictional characters—people who exist outside our immediate social world. Because these models are unreachable, we can admire and imitate them without direct competition. A young entrepreneur might model themselves after a famous business leader without ever competing for the same opportunities.

Internal mediation is far more dangerous. It occurs when we imitate peers, colleagues, and equals—people who occupy the same social space we do. Because we're competing for the same limited resources, positions, and recognition, internal mediation breeds intense rivalry. The colleague who gets the promotion you wanted becomes both a model (their success makes the position more desirable) and a rival (you're now in direct competition).

Internal mediation explains workplace tensions, friendship conflicts, and why siblings often develop intense rivalries. The closer someone is to us socially, the more potent they become as a mimetic model—and the more threatening their success feels. Recognizing when you're caught in internal mediation allows you to step back and ask whether the rivalry is serving you or consuming energy that could go toward genuinely meaningful pursuits.

Why do we deceive ourselves about the origins of our desires?

Humans are remarkably skilled at constructing post-hoc justifications for desires they've actually absorbed from others. When asked why we want something, we generate elaborate explanations rooted in personal preference, rational analysis, or individual history—rarely acknowledging that we might simply be imitating someone else.

This self-deception isn't conscious dishonesty; it's a fundamental feature of how mimetic desire operates. The very mechanism of mimesis obscures its own tracks. You genuinely believe you want the luxury car because of its engineering quality, not because your neighbor bought one. You're convinced you want the prestigious job because it aligns with your values, not because your peers have made it seem desirable.

The self-deception runs deep because acknowledging that our desires are borrowed threatens our sense of autonomous selfhood. We need to believe our wants are authentically ours. Burgis argues that this is precisely why understanding mimetic desire is so liberating—it removes the shame of discovering that many of our desires aren't original and opens space for consciously choosing what we actually want to pursue.

How does mimetic rivalry lead to scapegoating?

When mimetic desire runs unchecked within a group, everyone begins wanting the same things, creating escalating competition and tension. Girard identified a disturbing pattern: groups unconsciously resolve this tension by uniting against a common enemy—a scapegoat—who becomes the focus of collective blame.

The scapegoating mechanism works because it redirects mimetic energy outward. Instead of competing with each other, group members temporarily unite in opposition to the designated outsider. This creates a false sense of harmony and releases accumulated tension, but it does nothing to address the underlying mimetic dynamics that created the conflict in the first place.

Understanding this pattern helps explain everything from office politics to social media pile-ons to broader cultural conflicts. When you see a group suddenly unifying against a particular person or faction, you're often witnessing scapegoating dynamics fueled by mimetic tension. Recognizing this pattern in real-time allows you to resist participating in these destructive cycles.

Understanding mimetic patterns is one thing. Remembering them when it matters is another.
Loxie uses spaced repetition to help you internalize these concepts so you can recognize mimetic desire, rivalry, and scapegoating as they happen in your own life—not just when reading about them.

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What is the difference between thick desires and thin desires?

Thin desires are superficial wants driven by immediate social validation—trending products, status symbols, whatever your peers are currently pursuing. They're called "thin" because they lack depth and durability. Remove the social context, and thin desires often evaporate. You wanted that thing because others wanted it; when attention shifts elsewhere, so does your desire.

Thick desires connect to deeper personal meaning. They're rooted in your values, personal history, and meaningful relationships. Thick desires persist beyond trends and peer approval because they're anchored in something more substantial than social mimicry. A desire to master a craft you've loved since childhood, or to build a family, or to contribute to a cause you deeply believe in—these are thick desires.

The distinction matters because thick desires resist mimetic influence better than thin desires. When you've done the work of identifying what genuinely matters to you—independent of social pressure—you become less susceptible to the constant pull of mimetic forces. Burgis argues that cultivating thick desires is essential for building a fulfilling life rather than endlessly chasing whatever happens to be popular.

How does social media amplify mimetic desire?

Social media creates an unprecedented environment for mimetic desire by providing infinite comparison opportunities and making everyone a potential model. Before social platforms, your mimetic models were limited to people in your immediate environment—family, friends, colleagues, perhaps some celebrities. Now you're exposed to thousands of potential models daily, each broadcasting their desires, achievements, and lifestyles.

The speed and intensity of mimetic cycles have accelerated dramatically. Trends emerge and spread globally within days. Viral content creates instant collective desires. The constant stream of curated lives provides endless fuel for comparison and rivalry. Internal mediation—the dangerous kind involving peers and equals—has expanded to include people you've never met but who appear to occupy your social space.

This amplification makes understanding mimetic desire more urgent than ever. Without awareness of these dynamics, you're constantly bombarded by forces shaping your wants without your consent. Building immunity to mimetic influence requires intentional practices that create distance from the constant social pressure of digital environments.

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How can you break free from destructive mimetic cycles?

Breaking free from mimetic cycles begins with recognition—noticing when your desires are borrowed rather than authentic. This requires honest self-examination: asking whether you want something because it genuinely matters to you or because others' desires have made it seem valuable. The very act of questioning can begin to loosen mimetic patterns.

Burgis recommends building a personal hierarchy of values based on intrinsic worth rather than social comparison. When you've clarified what you genuinely value—independent of what's trending or what your peers are pursuing—you create a stable anchor that resists mimetic influence. This doesn't mean eliminating all socially-influenced desires (impossible and perhaps undesirable), but rather gaining the ability to evaluate desires against your own standards.

Practical strategies include creating distance from mimetic pressure through solitude, meditation, and digital detox. These practices allow authentic desires to emerge from beneath socially-conditioned wants. Examining childhood interests before heavy social conditioning can also reveal genuine preferences that predate mimetic influence. Testing whether desires persist when removed from social validation helps distinguish thick desires from thin ones.

What does anti-mimetic leadership look like?

Anti-mimetic leadership transcends rivalry by focusing on abundance rather than scarcity. Instead of competing for limited prizes, anti-mimetic leaders create environments where people pursue diverse paths and celebrate each other's successes without comparison. They model a way of being that doesn't require winning at others' expense.

This leadership style involves consciously choosing to be a positive mimetic model—embodying values worth imitating rather than behaviors that feed rivalry and comparison. Anti-mimetic leaders recognize that their desires influence others and take responsibility for what they model. They channel imitative tendencies toward virtuous behaviors and meaningful goals rather than zero-sum competition.

The key shift is from scarcity thinking to abundance thinking. When leaders operate from abundance, they demonstrate that there's enough success, recognition, and fulfillment to go around. This creates space for collaboration rather than competition and helps break the mimetic cycles that otherwise consume organizations and communities.

How can you choose better mimetic models?

Intentional living requires consciously choosing exemplary models who embody values worth imitating rather than unconsciously mimicking whoever happens to be nearby or popular. Since mimetic desire is unavoidable—we will always be influenced by others—the question becomes: who should those influences be?

Burgis suggests seeking models who demonstrate thick desires rather than thin ones, people whose pursuits reflect deep values rather than social trends. Historical figures, thoughtful mentors, and people who've built meaningful lives according to their own standards make better models than whoever happens to be trending on social media.

External mediation—imitating distant models—is generally safer than internal mediation because it doesn't create direct rivalry. You can admire and learn from someone without competing for the same resources. The goal isn't to eliminate imitation but to direct it consciously toward people whose influence will enrich rather than diminish your life.

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How can destructive mimetic patterns become positive ones?

Mimetic desire isn't inherently destructive—it's a fundamental human capacity that can be directed toward positive ends. The same mechanism that drives rivalry and comparison can fuel aspiration, learning, and growth. The key is transforming unconscious, destructive patterns into conscious, constructive ones.

Burgis recommends focusing on shared creation rather than zero-sum competition. When people collaborate toward common goals, mimetic energy becomes synergistic rather than divisive. The desire to contribute, to be part of something meaningful, can be just as mimetic as the desire to compete—but it leads to very different outcomes.

Channeling imitative tendencies toward virtuous behaviors and meaningful goals transforms mimetic desire from a source of suffering into a force for growth. When your models embody qualities you genuinely want to develop, imitating them helps you become the person you want to be. The goal is not to eliminate mimetic desire but to harness it consciously.

The real challenge with Wanting

Understanding mimetic desire intellectually is relatively easy. The hard part is recognizing it in real-time when you're caught in comparison, rivalry, or borrowed desires. The concepts Burgis presents require ongoing practice to internalize—catching yourself when mimetic forces are operating, questioning whether your desires are authentic, and consciously choosing better models.

How many insights from books have you found profound in the moment only to forget weeks later? The forgetting curve is steep: without reinforcement, we lose most of what we learn. The irony is that understanding mimetic desire is most valuable precisely when you're in the grip of it—which is exactly when the concepts are hardest to access if they've faded from memory.

How Loxie helps you actually remember what you learn

Loxie uses spaced repetition and active recall to help you internalize the key concepts from Wanting. Instead of reading the book once and hoping the ideas stick, you practice for 2 minutes a day with questions designed to resurface concepts right before you'd naturally forget them.

This approach is based on proven cognitive science: actively retrieving information strengthens memory far more than passive review. By practicing these concepts regularly, you build the mental availability to recognize mimetic desire when it's actually operating—not just when you're thinking about the theory.

The free version of Loxie includes Wanting in its full topic library, so you can start reinforcing these concepts immediately. Understanding mimetic desire is valuable; remembering it when you need it is transformative.

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